Are You Addicted Sexually Part 2

From: Book Every Man's Battle

Fred's (Co-Author) Testimony: A Thunderbolt

Having "athlete's foot of the mind" was how I felt.  I vividly remember my internal struggles between the consequences of the my sin and the pleasure of my sin.  I remember when those consequences finally got to the point where they weren't worth the pleasure of the sin.  But did I qualify as an "addict"?  When I read one author's description of a four-step addiction cycle-preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior, then despair I knew I'd lived that pattern.  I was certain that what I'd experienced, and what these other men had experienced, was addiction.  But a thunderbolt hit me when the author outlined the three levels of addiction (keep in mind this wasn't a Christian book):
Level 1: Contains behavior that are regarded as normal, acceptable, or tolerable.  Examples include masturbation, homosexuality, and prostitution.
Level 2: Behaviors that are clearly victimizing and for which legal sanctions are enforced.  These are generally seen as nuisance offenses, such as exhibititionism or voyeurism.
Level 3: Behaviors that have grave consequences for the victims and legal consequences for the addicts, such as incest, child molestation or rape
Did you read that list closely?  Did you notice that the examples of Level 1 include not just masturbation, which most men practice at times but also homosexuality and prostitution? By definition above, maybe we aren't addicts after all.  But if we aren't addicts, what are we?

From Steve (Co-Author) Fractional Addiction
Before we answer that question, let's think again about those "three levels of addiction" as described above.  From our Christian perspective, let's insert another level at the bottom of the addiction scale.  If we categorized being totally pure and holy as the zero level, all Christian men we know would fall somewhere between Level 0 and Level 1.  If your're one of the many men in this area, it probably isn't at all helpful to label you as an "addict" or to imply that victory will take years of therapy.  Instead, victory can be measured in weeks, as we'll describe later. (Please get the book if you want to read more) Your "addictive" behaviors are not rooted in some deep, dark, shadowy mental maze as they are in Levels 1, 2, and 3.  Rather, they're based on pleasure highs.  Men receive a chemical high from sexually charged images a hormone called epinephrine is secreted into the bloodstream, which locks into the memory whatever stimulus is present at the time of the emotional excitement.  I've counseled men who became emotionally and sexually stimulated just from entertaining thoughts of sexual activity.  A guy dead set on purchasing Hustler at his local 7-Eleven is sexually stimulated long before he even steps into convenience store.  His stimulation began in his thought process, which triggered his nervous system, which secreted epinephrine into the bloodstream.  From my counseling experience, I believe it's often true that those men living at Level 1 or worse have deep psychological problems that will take years to work through.  But relatively few men live there.  Our contention is a vast majority of men stuck in sexual sin are living between Level 0 and Level 1.  We can call this a "fractional addiction" since it represents living at a level that's a fraction between zero and one.

2 Corinthians 12:21
21 I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.
Ephesians 5:1-5

 1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Controlling Your Anger Pleases God

 

James 1 :19-20

Qualities Needed in Trials

¹⁹ So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; ²⁰ for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Proverbs 29:22

²² An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.

Commentary:
Uncontrolled anger does not lead to righteousness.  When you allow your anger to control you, you are not submitting to the Holy Spirit, which includes longsuffering (patience) and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  Anger is an outward sign that you still need inward transformation to be more like Christ.  When you develop the fruit of the Spirit and control your anger, God is pleased.  Uncontrolled anger is sin, it results in bitterness, resentment, and hostility.  Just as with any other sin, uncontrolled anger can also lead to physical or emotional damage to other people and to you.  If you struggle with uncontrolled anger, God offers forgiveness and help.  "But now you yourselves are to put off all these anger, wrath malice blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth (Colossian 3:8).  Confess your sin to God and pray for His transformation in your heart and mind.  Uncontrolled anger is a response that comes from your former nature and it must be unlearned.  "Put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows, corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness" (Ephesians 4:22-24).

Letting It Go...

Throughout the school year, Mrs. Harrison had held her tongue every time Mr. Dubois made a sarcastic, cutting remark to other teachers-including her.  More than one teacher had lost their temper with him, but he simply shrugged off their complaints by accusing them of not having any semblance of a sense of humor.  What made the situation worse was that Mr. Dubois was a high-profile Christian in the community, frequently in the news for spearheading short-term mission trips to Guatemala, recruiting volunteers to work with him in his church’s soup kitchen, and serving as a lay chaplain at the local hospital. 

One afternoon, the perfect opportunity arose to talk to him about the way he treated other people and the poor reflection his behavior was on Christ.  She and Mr. Dubois were the only two teachers in faculty lounge at the time, and she knew she had to speak up.  Phrasing her comments as tactfully and graciously as she knew how, she emphasized that she knew he was just kidding around, suggesting that perhaps he did not realize how his remarks came across to others.  Mr. Dubois looked at her intently and thoughtfully the whole time she spoke, nodding in agreement.  When she finished, he opened his mouth as if to speak-and burst into laughter.  “You’ve got to be kidding me!  You’re telling me how to act? I don’t think so,” he said.  At that moment, another teacher entered the room, and Mr. Dubois began recounting-as dramatically as possible-what Mrs. Harrison ha just said to him.  Humiliated, she left the room, part of her feeling hurt but most of her feeling vengeful. 

What she did not know was that Miss Scott, the teacher who had to listen to Mr. Dubois’s tirade, fully supported Mrs. Harrison and her rightfulness in confronting him about his sarcasm.  He had hurt and angered a lot of people, she said, and many teachers were avoiding the faculty lounge for that very reason.  It was time he knew, and she was glad her colleague had spoken up.

When classes resumed after spring break several weeks later, Mr. Dubois found Mrs. Harrison alone in her classroom.  Clearly repentant, he acknowledged his ongoing inappropriate behavior as well as his rudeness and unkind treatment of her when she had tried to reason with him.  “There was so much talk about forgiveness at over Easter that I couldn’t help but hear what God was saying to me, “he said.  “I was wrong and I’ve been wrong for a long time. Will you forgive me?”

Mrs. Harrison hesitated.  She momentarily wondered if this was another one of his ruses.  Would he burst out laughing in ridicule if she extended forgiveness?  But she knew what she had to do: Regardless of his response, her responsibility as a follower of Christ was to make the decision to forgive him and extend that forgiveness out loud.  “I forgive you,” she said, Mr. Dubois thanked her-and asked her to hold him accountable for his words.  “Don’t wait till I’ve crossed the line,” he said. “I want you to tell me right away, even if I’ve moved just an inch closer to the line” with that, he left the room, resolved to close out the school year on a more positive note.

Forgiveness, both seeking it and extending it, is a powerful force in transforming a person’s life.  The greatest transformation, of course, comes when you ask God’s forgiveness, accept it, and begin to live out your life as a new creation. (2Corinthians 5:17, Matthew 18:21-35).  It’s also transforming when you realize you have wronged another person and seek his forgiveness.  He or she may forgive your or he or she may not.  The only aspect of that interaction that you have any control over is your own, and you’ve done what you could by asking forgiveness (and making restitution, if appropriate).  If he or she refuses to forgive you, you need to move on and not dwell on his or her response.

What Is Sin?

 

What Is Sin?

 

No one can read the Bible very much without realizing that a great deal of attention is given to the subject of sin, its cause and cure.  We often think of sin in connection with crime and murder.  But sin in the Bible refers to anything short of God's perfection.  In Romans 3:23 we read, "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."  The "glory of God" includes the thought of absolute perfection.  Sin is therefore falling short of the mark. All men are guilty of this.  Sin is also spoken of in the Bible in the following ways:

1. Breaking the law of God.  Romans 5:13 
2. Rebellion against God, or lawlessness. I John 3:4
3. Moral Impurity Psalm 32:5
4. Evil thoughts are sinful, as well as evil deeds Matthews 5:23

Sin is what keeps us away from God, but thank God for Jesus Christ who died for our sins and transgressions.  Who made away for us to come back to God and have a relationship with Him.

 

 

 

 

Source: What Christians Believe